Is phubbing ruining my relationship with my partner?
Written By: Natalie Gates
What is phubbing?
A term that is a cross between “phone” and “snubbing”. It describes using your phone when a person is physically present in the room with you. With an increase in technology, this term has been coined as it is becoming a bigger issue.
People are ignoring family and friends who are right in front of them and spending time on their phone instead.
This can be very hurtful to relationships. The sense of connection is strained. It blocks your ability to be present, changes your attention, and diminishes your quality time.
One way to combat this is to challenge yourself to put your phone down during meal times and during one-on-one conversations. People want to feel heard and giving someone your undivided attention is the best way to do that.
The person who is being phubbed can feel ignored, which will make them more likely to pick up their phone. No one likes to feel like their partner is choosing their phone over them, so if there is something urgent you need to be on your phone for, communicate that to your partner. This models the type of communication you are looking for and removes the unknown part of wondering what they are doing on their phone.
Tips:
Set up ground rules:
Some couples find that no phones at the dinner table is a good rule.
Communicate when you do need to use your phone.
Talking about why you are using your phone in front of your partner may make them feel more secure and comfortable with it. For example, saying “My boss just emailed me about this project, I am just going to email them back quickly and put my phone away.”
Talk about what it means to each of you and how you feel when your partner is on their phone in front of you. If one person gets work emails on their phone that they have to answer, maybe talk about a designated time to answer them or come to a mutual agreement on what each person is okay with. Ask how your partner feels about you being on your phone and have an open conversation with them about boundaries.
Phubbing can be harmful to our sense of connection with our loved ones. Meaningful connections with people contribute to our overall well being and health. Using phones in front of other people adds to our disconnection. It is important to talk about your boundaries with partners, friends and family.
Check out our relationship counseling page to learn more about how you can work through the harmful effects of phubbing. If you’re ready to work through some of these struggles book a free consultation below.
