Letting Go of Your Mask.
More and more people are learning about masking and identifying with this idea. Masking is when we utilize strategies in order to blend in with others and hide our neurodivergent traits. It references the act of concealing our true selves, usually mimicking socially acceptable behaviors and surpressing our natural instincts. We tend to see masking occur with neurodivergent women. Some people are taught these strategies in school (ex.“social skills training”) and others have internalized these over time and across various experiences. We know masking leads to burnout and exhaustion among many other mental health struggles, so why do people do it?
There are a few key reasons why women engage in masking:
Societal Expectations.
We live in a society that has norms and expectations for how we behave and interact with others. There is pressure to align with neurotypical norms, which usually leads to feeling like we need to hide our true selves and conform to how others act.
Social Survival.
We often learn from an early age that masking is necessary in order to navigate social situations in a successful manner. We might be taught that we are supposed to be less assertive and not stand up for ourselves in order to avoid conflict. Or we might try to suppress some of our interests in order to fit in and avoid judgment.
Avoiding stigma.
Sometimes we end up masking because we want to avoid being stigmatized or viewed as different. Particularly for those with a diagnosis or suspected diagnosis of Autism, ADHD, or anxiety, there can be some shame surrounding this and we are worried about how it will come off when we embody our true selves in public.
Now that we know why people do it, let’s dive into the impacts it can have on our mental health:
Exhaustion.
It is both physically and mentally exhausting to constantly be changing ourselves in order to blend and fit in with others. It requires constant vigilance which can lead to burnout.
Anxiety and Depression.
Many people believe they suffer from anxiety and depression, when in reality it can be a byproduct of masking. We can be fearful of others “finding out” which can be emotionally draining and ultimately lead to depression and anxiety.
Identity Crisis.
The more we mask, the more we lose touch with who we truly are, and overtime we can completely lose our sense of self. As we lose our sense of self the more likely we are to lose self-esteem.
Social Isolation.
We may find it challenging to form genuine relationships with others, fearing that others will only like us for our masked self. This can lead to choosing between being burnt out and overwhelmed while engaging in connections with others or feeling grounded and regulated while avoiding social interactions.
What can we do to embody our true selves and become more in touch with our authentic being?
Self-Acceptance.
Accepting and loving ourselves is the first step. We all have quirks and differences, and we want to embrace our uniqueness.
Safe Spaces.
Find places where you feel comfortable being your authentic self, and surround yourself with people who you know you can be yourself around.
Supportive Relationships.
Foster relationships with people who do accept you and encourage you to be your authentic self.
Education and Advocacy.
While it is not your responsibility to educate other people about masking and neurodiversity, it can be helpful to share your story with others so they can have a deeper understanding of their role in advocacy.
It is not easy to let go of our masks, especially when they can be so deeply ingrained in us. But with taking steps towards uncovering, accepting, and loving our true selves we can get there. The more people who are able to challenge neurotypical norms and embrace themselves the more likely we are to get to a more accepting place.
If you want support in unpacking your masks and developing strategies to work towards a more authentic and grounded self, please contact us or book a free 15 minute consultation with any of our therapists who offer Autism Therapy.
